go on my mission?
That is a question I have pondered often, and I am afraid no answer seems correct.
I say to myself, "Yes, of course! You would love being on your mission so much, the lives you could touch, the service you could give... one and a half years of doing those things you're passionate about, what could be greater?!"
And then I say to myself, "Well, it's certainly the most difficult decision there is... with my family not being members of the Church, how could I explain to my father who supported me through 4 years of school that I am NOT entering the job market, but going on a mission? He might die! He might actually get a heart attack and drop right there... How could I tell my little sister, who looks up to me and depends on me, that i am abandoning her for one and a half years and we can't even talk on the phone?"
I can't!!! I can't do either!!!
I can't say yes because of my family, and I can't say no, because I want to go on my mission so badly!
There is no easy way. Some people say that often the harder way is right... but in this case I am choosing between two extremely difficult ways. If I do go on my mission it is going to be brutal... being away from all my family and friends, not being able to talk on the phone with them, being sent who knows where, having companions i might not get along with, dealing with people who hate what i stand for on a daily basis... that is ridiculously hard. (Also remembering that if I do end up going on my mission, I would have had to risk my father dying from the news.)
But then I could also not go on my mission. I could enter the workforce, have my father proudly tell his colleagues how I just graduated, and I work at X company doing X amazing things. I could continue talking regularly with my mother and sister on the phone... I could see my friends... I could have my own place, make money... and I would probably forever have the "what if i went on my mission" in the back of my mind. Living with regrets isn't easy. I know many people who can let go pretty easily, but I am not one of them...
What do you think?
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2 comments:
On one hand, it's never good to make your decisions because you fear other peoples' reactions, even if your dad's head might explode. Caring about their reactions is a horse of a different color, but it sounds like you're just worried what your family will think, more than you're sensitive to it.
That said, is a mission really the best way to go outside of school? I feel like the next couple of years a great time and chance to explore things before more responsibilities kick in - does a mission fit that?
It sounds to me your reasons to serve a mission are motivated by love for the Lord and love of the gospel, while your concerns and reasons why you shouldn't go are based on fear. See 2nd Timothy 1:7.
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