A conversation I had with a friend of mine inspired this post, and I want to give him the credit (thank, Justin!)
Essentially, the question regarding my faith, or any organized religion, is "why?" Why believe? Why do the things you do? Why follow what looks like someone else's rules? Why "limit" yourself? And when you strip away all my personal convictions, feelings, and experiences, there is something basic: "why not?"
Everything that I choose to do, inspired by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, is good. Everything that I have changed or let go as a result of following the commandments, have caused me to improve myself.
So I don't drink alcohol, smoke, drink coffee/tea, or do drugs... that's not a bad thing.
So I don't have sex before marriage... that's not a bad thing.
So I don't watch R-rated movies... that's not a bad thing.
So I don't swear... that's not a bad thing.
So I commit my life to service... that's not a bad thing.
So I spend 3 hours every Sunday at church... that's not a bad thing.
At the end of the day, the things I do are not bad things. They do not harm myself, and they do not harm others. (I would like to suggest that they help others... but I'll leave that to someone else) I hope it is safe to say that these things are positive. They have improved my health, they have helped prevent a lot of heartache, they have saved me money, they have motivated me to help, and 3 hours a week is not much of a sacrifice.
I have only experienced positive things in my life as a result of my conversion and the choices I have made. I have been happier, experience greater self-esteem, enjoyed greater success at school/work, greater harmony at home, and have made more friends. I am grateful for the life I have been given, and the choices I am able to make.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Tithing
“Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.
Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation.
Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it." (Malachi 3:8–10.)
Tithing is such an important commandment that when the Lord appeared on the American continent after His Resurrection, He repeated those same exact words. And the Lord said in our day, “Those who have thus been tithed shall pay one-tenth of all their interest annually.” (D&C 119:4)
The Lord said, “Prove me now [or test me now] … , if I will not open you the windows of heaven.” (3 Nephi 24:10)
"Consider, for example, ten apples. Now, all ten of these apples actually belong to the Lord, but He asks us to return to Him only one-tenth, or one apple.
Are you offering only a small bite of that apple and keeping 90 percent? Are you willing to offer the Lord such a small portion?
Are you ashamed, or do you try to patch up and hide the bitten portion of the apple and then offer that to the Lord?"
-Elder Yoshihiko Kikuchi
I want to share my testimony, not an explanation, of the law of tithing. Tithing is not payment to the Church. It is neither required nor requested as a member. Tithing is a divine law, an expectation from God since the beginning of time. God gives us everything we have- we do not inherently deserve anything we have. We have them because God blessed us with it. However, I want to make it clear that blessings do not indicate the degree of God's love or awareness of you. All the trials and blessings we receive in this life are all for our benefit, and for our good, so that we can learn the lessons we need to learn so we can be the people that God would have us be. Some people need to learn to take down their pride, and are therefore given less. Some need to learn generosity and are given more. It's not that cut and dry, but there is always a reason, or a lesson.
What I really want to talk about is the blessings that one receives when one is obedient.
The blessing of the law of tithing is promised with the words "opening the windows of heaven". I have experienced that in my life very recently. Ever since I was young I have wanted to be financially independent, and have enough money to help my family out when bad things happened. And now, I am graduating in 2 weeks and I found an amazing job that pays double what I thought I was going to make my first year out of college AND I have an incredibly amazing apartment (just signed the lease yesterday) that is a very low price, in the best part of Pasadena. All my prayers for temporal blessings have been answered in this. I am independent. And it's amazing.
I know the law of tithing is divine. If we are generous with our money, and if we recognize that everything we receive is from God, we will be blessed.
Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation.
Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it." (Malachi 3:8–10.)
Tithing is such an important commandment that when the Lord appeared on the American continent after His Resurrection, He repeated those same exact words. And the Lord said in our day, “Those who have thus been tithed shall pay one-tenth of all their interest annually.” (D&C 119:4)
The Lord said, “Prove me now [or test me now] … , if I will not open you the windows of heaven.” (3 Nephi 24:10)
"Consider, for example, ten apples. Now, all ten of these apples actually belong to the Lord, but He asks us to return to Him only one-tenth, or one apple.
Are you offering only a small bite of that apple and keeping 90 percent? Are you willing to offer the Lord such a small portion?
Are you ashamed, or do you try to patch up and hide the bitten portion of the apple and then offer that to the Lord?"
-Elder Yoshihiko Kikuchi
I want to share my testimony, not an explanation, of the law of tithing. Tithing is not payment to the Church. It is neither required nor requested as a member. Tithing is a divine law, an expectation from God since the beginning of time. God gives us everything we have- we do not inherently deserve anything we have. We have them because God blessed us with it. However, I want to make it clear that blessings do not indicate the degree of God's love or awareness of you. All the trials and blessings we receive in this life are all for our benefit, and for our good, so that we can learn the lessons we need to learn so we can be the people that God would have us be. Some people need to learn to take down their pride, and are therefore given less. Some need to learn generosity and are given more. It's not that cut and dry, but there is always a reason, or a lesson.
What I really want to talk about is the blessings that one receives when one is obedient.
The blessing of the law of tithing is promised with the words "opening the windows of heaven". I have experienced that in my life very recently. Ever since I was young I have wanted to be financially independent, and have enough money to help my family out when bad things happened. And now, I am graduating in 2 weeks and I found an amazing job that pays double what I thought I was going to make my first year out of college AND I have an incredibly amazing apartment (just signed the lease yesterday) that is a very low price, in the best part of Pasadena. All my prayers for temporal blessings have been answered in this. I am independent. And it's amazing.
I know the law of tithing is divine. If we are generous with our money, and if we recognize that everything we receive is from God, we will be blessed.
Monday, April 14, 2008
RE: Polygamy in the News
"I wish to state categorically that this Church has nothing whatever to do with those practicing polygamy. They are not members of this Church. Most of them have never been members. They are in violation of the civil law. They know they are in violation of the law. They are subject to its penalties. The Church, of course, has no jurisdiction whatever in this matter.
If any of our members are found to be practicing plural marriage, they are excommunicated, the most serious penalty the Church can impose. Not only are those so involved in direct violation of the civil law, they are in violation of the law of this Church. An article of our faith is binding upon us. It states, 'We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law' (Articles of Faith 1:12)."
-President Gordon B Hinckley
If any of our members are found to be practicing plural marriage, they are excommunicated, the most serious penalty the Church can impose. Not only are those so involved in direct violation of the civil law, they are in violation of the law of this Church. An article of our faith is binding upon us. It states, 'We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law' (Articles of Faith 1:12)."
-President Gordon B Hinckley
It takes courage to love...
... and I don't mean romantic love.
It takes courage to love each other as brothers and sisters, as fellow human beings. It takes courage to see bad things and experience bad things and not plant seeds of resentment and hate within our hearts. It is even harder to stop those seeds from growing and festering once they are already planted.
I have wrestled with >hatred< my entire life. I hated myself, I hated my father, I hated my mother, I hated America, I hated Japan, I hated men, I hated war, I hated history, I hated racism, I hated people... I hated rules, I hated authority. I don't think "I don't like..." was in my vocabulary. I either loved or hated things. I thought this was normal, and even good. I knew where I stood, everyone did. I would make it clear whether I liked you or not, I would be frank (often brutally so) and considered my black-and-whiteness to be a great strength.
I have since been transformed. What does this have to do with being Mormon, you ask? It has everything to do with it. It has been such a gradual change since I converted that I can not tell you when or how it happened, I can only attest by my existence that it has taken place. My father and I are just about as close as [insert witty, uber-educated analogy of two things that hate each other].
Our fights would be so bad that I would be throwing things at him, cursing him out, and my mother would fear for his safety (seriously-- i can't believe it either.) But so it was.
I can't understand why, but something has developed inside me. An intuitive caring, perhaps... a desire for his wellbeing, and more recently, a simple foundation of love. It's kind of a miracle.
I credit these changes to everything I have learned in the Gospel. As I have learned about a God who loves me, a brother who died for me, my definition of love has been transformed. It is no longer the 2-way street I thought it was supposed to be. I consider all the years I denied both God and the Savior, and I am humbled by the fact that they never turned away. They never hurt me or wished me harm, they might have mourned my self destructive ways, but they only extended hands of forgiveness to me.
It is through their example, and how their love has changed me, that my love for others has been changed. My father continues to treat me less than ideally, and yet I have found great strength, comfort, and even happiness, in loving him despite it all... in fact, the more I exercise my ability to love him without expectation, the deeper my love for him grows. It is strange. All I can say is, it sounds crazy... but try it, it works.
Try loving someone, the person you hate the most... perhaps you are hating me right now for challenging you because you know exactly who I am talking about. Yes. That person. That person who hurt you the most, the person who bugs you the most, the person who took up countless pages in your diary, the person who disappointed you the most.
Try forgiving them, try loving them... and see how in the end, it isn't about them at all. It is about how love changes you. It changed me.
It takes courage to love each other as brothers and sisters, as fellow human beings. It takes courage to see bad things and experience bad things and not plant seeds of resentment and hate within our hearts. It is even harder to stop those seeds from growing and festering once they are already planted.
I have wrestled with >hatred< my entire life. I hated myself, I hated my father, I hated my mother, I hated America, I hated Japan, I hated men, I hated war, I hated history, I hated racism, I hated people... I hated rules, I hated authority. I don't think "I don't like..." was in my vocabulary. I either loved or hated things. I thought this was normal, and even good. I knew where I stood, everyone did. I would make it clear whether I liked you or not, I would be frank (often brutally so) and considered my black-and-whiteness to be a great strength.
I have since been transformed. What does this have to do with being Mormon, you ask? It has everything to do with it. It has been such a gradual change since I converted that I can not tell you when or how it happened, I can only attest by my existence that it has taken place. My father and I are just about as close as [insert witty, uber-educated analogy of two things that hate each other].
Our fights would be so bad that I would be throwing things at him, cursing him out, and my mother would fear for his safety (seriously-- i can't believe it either.) But so it was.
I can't understand why, but something has developed inside me. An intuitive caring, perhaps... a desire for his wellbeing, and more recently, a simple foundation of love. It's kind of a miracle.
I credit these changes to everything I have learned in the Gospel. As I have learned about a God who loves me, a brother who died for me, my definition of love has been transformed. It is no longer the 2-way street I thought it was supposed to be. I consider all the years I denied both God and the Savior, and I am humbled by the fact that they never turned away. They never hurt me or wished me harm, they might have mourned my self destructive ways, but they only extended hands of forgiveness to me.
It is through their example, and how their love has changed me, that my love for others has been changed. My father continues to treat me less than ideally, and yet I have found great strength, comfort, and even happiness, in loving him despite it all... in fact, the more I exercise my ability to love him without expectation, the deeper my love for him grows. It is strange. All I can say is, it sounds crazy... but try it, it works.
Try loving someone, the person you hate the most... perhaps you are hating me right now for challenging you because you know exactly who I am talking about. Yes. That person. That person who hurt you the most, the person who bugs you the most, the person who took up countless pages in your diary, the person who disappointed you the most.
Try forgiving them, try loving them... and see how in the end, it isn't about them at all. It is about how love changes you. It changed me.
To Heal the Shattering Consequences of Abuse
To Heal the Shattering Consequences of Abuse by Elder Richard G. Scott, one of the Twelve Apostles was my #1 favorite talk of General Conference. I loved so many of them. But I felt like this talk was written for me "Dear Marina, blah blah blah, Love, God."
The amazing thing about General Conference is that every time I listen, or have the opportunity to attend in person, it is so obvious that these are men of God speaking. They are so in tune to current events, and the needs, the desires, and the behavior of the world. They know what we are struggling with, what we will struggle with, and they tell us what we need so that we are prepared and strengthened to live better and conquer the trials that will come.
The talk "To Heal the Shattering Consequences of Abuse" is one such talk. I have been abused, and sexually harassed, and all my life I have made peace with the idea that I will always have to deal with the consequences and baggage, but that as time passes, perhaps the sharpness of the memories will fade. The message of this talk is bold and absolutely amazing because Elder Scott tells us that this is not so. That, in fact, complete healing is available to each and every one of us. That all pain, injury, hatred, shame, nightmares, all will be taken away from us... that we can move forward whole again.
I burst into tears the second he said the words, "It is with a deep desire to define a path to relief that I speak to you who suffer the shattering consequences of mental, verbal, physical, and especially sexual abuse."
Elder Scott addresses the doctrine of Agency which I have blogged about previously. He reminds us of how agency was a blessing to all of us, that we have the opportunity to choose right from wrong, that we could choose Heavenly Father's Plan or the plan of Satan... that we can choose whatever we want. With this blessing, of course, comes the natural consequence that many will not choose right from wrong, and good from bad. Within this context, we understand how perpetrators are able to commit the crimes they do even though we have a Father in Heaven who loves us. This has satisfied my question as to why certain things could have happened to me if God exists. I understand that God always has the best in mind for us, and only desires our happiness, but that our fellow humans will not always act according to that plan, and we may suffer the consequences. However, because God does in fact love us, is why He provided a way to heal and help us... we are not left alone because of others' mistakes. There is a way.
Addressing victims/survivors:
"If you have been abused, Satan will strive to convince you that there is no solution. Yet he knows perfectly well that there is. Satan recognizes that healing comes through the unwavering love of Heavenly Father for each of His children. He also understands that the power of healing is inherent in the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Therefore, his strategy is to do all possible to separate you from your Father and His Son. Do not let Satan convince you that you are beyond help.
Satan uses your abuse to undermine your self-confidence, destroy trust in authority, create fear, and generate feelings of despair. Abuse can damage your ability to form healthy human relationships. You must have faith that all of these negative consequences can be resolved; otherwise they will keep you from full recovery. While these outcomes have powerful influence in your life, they do not define the real you."
At this point I am BAWLING! "Abuse can damage your ability to form healthy human relationships." defines me. Abuse has, in my opinion until this talk, permanently damaged my self-esteem, I have had had little have desire to even try and trust men again.
This story rekindled hope in me:
"I testify that I know victims of serious abuse who have successfully made the difficult journey to full healing through the power of the Atonement. After her own concerns were resolved by her faith in the healing power of the Atonement, one young woman who had been severely abused by her father requested another interview with me. She returned with an older couple. I could sense that she loved the two very deeply. Her face radiated happiness. She began, “Elder Scott, this is my father. I love him. He’s concerned about some things that happened in my early childhood. They are no longer a problem for me. Could you help him?” What a powerful confirmation of the Savior’s capacity to heal! She no longer suffered from the consequences of abuse, because she had adequate understanding of His Atonement, sufficient faith, and was obedient to His law. As you conscientiously study the Atonement and exercise your faith that Jesus Christ has the power to heal, you can receive the same blessed relief. During your journey of recovery, accept His invitation to let Him share your burden until you have sufficient time and strength to be healed."
I am so grateful for this talk, and I am grateful for the Prophet and the Apostles who tell us exactly what we need to hear, when we need to hear it, who love us and who give us all the tools and knowledge we need to be happy in this life.
<3
The amazing thing about General Conference is that every time I listen, or have the opportunity to attend in person, it is so obvious that these are men of God speaking. They are so in tune to current events, and the needs, the desires, and the behavior of the world. They know what we are struggling with, what we will struggle with, and they tell us what we need so that we are prepared and strengthened to live better and conquer the trials that will come.
The talk "To Heal the Shattering Consequences of Abuse" is one such talk. I have been abused, and sexually harassed, and all my life I have made peace with the idea that I will always have to deal with the consequences and baggage, but that as time passes, perhaps the sharpness of the memories will fade. The message of this talk is bold and absolutely amazing because Elder Scott tells us that this is not so. That, in fact, complete healing is available to each and every one of us. That all pain, injury, hatred, shame, nightmares, all will be taken away from us... that we can move forward whole again.
I burst into tears the second he said the words, "It is with a deep desire to define a path to relief that I speak to you who suffer the shattering consequences of mental, verbal, physical, and especially sexual abuse."
Elder Scott addresses the doctrine of Agency which I have blogged about previously. He reminds us of how agency was a blessing to all of us, that we have the opportunity to choose right from wrong, that we could choose Heavenly Father's Plan or the plan of Satan... that we can choose whatever we want. With this blessing, of course, comes the natural consequence that many will not choose right from wrong, and good from bad. Within this context, we understand how perpetrators are able to commit the crimes they do even though we have a Father in Heaven who loves us. This has satisfied my question as to why certain things could have happened to me if God exists. I understand that God always has the best in mind for us, and only desires our happiness, but that our fellow humans will not always act according to that plan, and we may suffer the consequences. However, because God does in fact love us, is why He provided a way to heal and help us... we are not left alone because of others' mistakes. There is a way.
Addressing victims/survivors:
"If you have been abused, Satan will strive to convince you that there is no solution. Yet he knows perfectly well that there is. Satan recognizes that healing comes through the unwavering love of Heavenly Father for each of His children. He also understands that the power of healing is inherent in the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Therefore, his strategy is to do all possible to separate you from your Father and His Son. Do not let Satan convince you that you are beyond help.
Satan uses your abuse to undermine your self-confidence, destroy trust in authority, create fear, and generate feelings of despair. Abuse can damage your ability to form healthy human relationships. You must have faith that all of these negative consequences can be resolved; otherwise they will keep you from full recovery. While these outcomes have powerful influence in your life, they do not define the real you."
At this point I am BAWLING! "Abuse can damage your ability to form healthy human relationships." defines me. Abuse has, in my opinion until this talk, permanently damaged my self-esteem, I have had had little have desire to even try and trust men again.
This story rekindled hope in me:
"I testify that I know victims of serious abuse who have successfully made the difficult journey to full healing through the power of the Atonement. After her own concerns were resolved by her faith in the healing power of the Atonement, one young woman who had been severely abused by her father requested another interview with me. She returned with an older couple. I could sense that she loved the two very deeply. Her face radiated happiness. She began, “Elder Scott, this is my father. I love him. He’s concerned about some things that happened in my early childhood. They are no longer a problem for me. Could you help him?” What a powerful confirmation of the Savior’s capacity to heal! She no longer suffered from the consequences of abuse, because she had adequate understanding of His Atonement, sufficient faith, and was obedient to His law. As you conscientiously study the Atonement and exercise your faith that Jesus Christ has the power to heal, you can receive the same blessed relief. During your journey of recovery, accept His invitation to let Him share your burden until you have sufficient time and strength to be healed."
I am so grateful for this talk, and I am grateful for the Prophet and the Apostles who tell us exactly what we need to hear, when we need to hear it, who love us and who give us all the tools and knowledge we need to be happy in this life.
<3
Friday, April 11, 2008
General Conference!
General Conference took place in Salt Lake City, Utah on April 5th and 6th. General Conference is a very special event for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that happens biannually. All the leadership of the Church: the Prophet, his 2 counsellors, the 12 Apostles, and the Quorums of the Seventies, the Relief Society Presidency, etc. all come together and address the world in talks that are broadcast all over the worlds, T.V., and radio. There are 6 sessions of General Conference over Saturday and Sunday. Each session is 2 hours long.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
My Conversion Story in a nutshell
I first met a Mormon on my second day as a freshman at Occidental College. I had never heard the term before. As this guy was being teased about being a “Mormon”, I laughed along with everyone because I didn’t want to let on that I had no idea what a “Mormon” was. Right afterwards I Googled “M-O-R-M-O-N” and my life has never been the same.
I have experienced all different kinds of religions. My friends have been Jewish, Muslim, Catholic, Sikh, Hindi, Jain, Buddhist, Shinto, Tao, Baptist… and the list goes on. I was raised with a basic belief in God and a pattern of short prayers before bedtime under the watchful eyes of my mother, but that was the extent of my own personal religious experience as a child.
As I grew up, my parents’ deteriorating marriage had a great effect on me and my mother was firm in her notion that she would never allow a divorce to happen because “divorce isn’t allowed in the Bible.” By 16 I became anti-Christian, because of this Bible that kept my mother in a bad marriage. As a Goth I spent my time getting drunk, playing video games, going to concerts, and swearing about anything to everyone. I reveled in my ability to push others away, to isolate myself so that no one could hurt me, I got a high off of scaring people, and I survived by numbing my pain and emptiness with numerous shots of Tequila and copious amounts of cheap beer.
Inside, however, I tired of the drinking, the darkness, the black makeup clutching my eyes… the scared looks from passerby’s. I dearly wanted to escape from my depressing group of friends who spoke of nothing but death, pain, hate, and escapism. I wanted to be appreciated, and I wanted to be happy, but I didn’t know how.
So then I found myself at school, Googling the word “Mormon”. I ended up at lds.org, and mormon.org, the official websites of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I had developed my own form of spirituality over the years to atone for the inadequacies and hypocrisy I had experienced with mainstream Christianity, and suddenly, I found them written down on this Church’s websites. They spoke of “Eternal families” where you would never be parted from the ones you love, marriage was not “until death do you part” here. They spoke of Prophets and Apostles as in the days of the Old and New Testaments. They spoke of prayer, promising that God would hear me.
I read the Book of Mormon online without telling anyone. 5 months later I asked my friend to take me to church with him. I couldn’t believe that there was more than one man who prayed daily, read scriptures nightly, didn’t drink, didn’t swear, and wouldn’t touch me even if he could. I had always been taught that Christians were not supposed to have sex before marriage, but the Christians I knew, did… I thought that being Christian meant helping others and not judging, but none of the Christians I knew helped or cared at all. But the Mormons did these things. They abstained, they went to Church, they helped, and they cared.
In the summer, I found the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints near where I lived in Japan. Everyone was smiling, and shook my hand, and I was thrilled to see that there were plenty of Japanese Mormons too. In fact, there were Filipino’s, Chinese, Jamaican, Nigerian, and American Mormons here. The services operated the same way as they had at the Church in Glendale, and a girl about my age was giving one of the talks—about faith. Then a man who looked just like my father, a manager of a company, gave his testimony of Christ and of God and I felt something inside stir with hope, already thinking ahead to when I might be able to see my father do and say the same things. I found my Church. I wanted to be Mormon.
I took lessons with Japanese sister missionaries, and I started to change my life. I stopped drinking from the day I started reading the Book of Mormon—and not because the Church told me to. I stopped smoking, I tried to swear a little less every day… and I started to believe that I had the right to be respected by men—and not handled like an object. Eventually the missionaries asked if I wanted to get baptized, and I said yes… but I never got the chance. My mother was happy with my religious endeavors only because I finally accepted God again and relinquished my dark and dreary ways. However, she was furious when I got home and told her I was going to be baptized Mormon.
For the last month of that summer I was placed under house arrest. My phone was taken away, and I was not allowed out in case I met the missionaries against her will. However, suddenly the God I read about on mormon.org materialized. My father, with whom I share few words, inquired about my friends “Sister so and so”. Since he knew nothing about my investigation into Mormonism I had no idea how he knew about my sister missionaries. It turned out that he saw some letters addressed to me from the sister missionaries that my mother had intercepted and hidden. God had not forgotten me; in fact, he listened to my prayers… just like the Mormons promised.
I survived on the letters of encouragement and love from my sister missionaries and the night before I left for my sophomore year of college I told my mother that I would be getting baptized in America whether she liked it or not. She admitted she couldn’t physically stop me, but swore she could never love a Mormon—I would be no daughter of hers if I disobeyed. Nevertheless, I got baptized on October 15th, 2005. This was a year after I first met a “Mormon.” Now I am Mormon, and I am so happy.
I am happy because now I am living the standards and principles I always held inside—I am not hiding them. I choose not to drink alcohol, not to smoke, not to swear, not to watch R-rated movies, and not to have sex until marriage. By doing these things I am actively modeling a lifestyle I always admired in others. By not drinking alcohol, I am fighting against my father’s alcoholism. By not using profane language, I acknowledge the power of words and the pain they can cause. By not watching R-rated movies I admit to how weak and impressionable my mind is, and among other things, I fight the objectification of women in the media. By exercising abstinence, I place the highest value and importance on marriage.
Now that I am Mormon, I am no longer the only one that chooses to live this lifestyle—and for that I am so grateful.
I have experienced all different kinds of religions. My friends have been Jewish, Muslim, Catholic, Sikh, Hindi, Jain, Buddhist, Shinto, Tao, Baptist… and the list goes on. I was raised with a basic belief in God and a pattern of short prayers before bedtime under the watchful eyes of my mother, but that was the extent of my own personal religious experience as a child.
As I grew up, my parents’ deteriorating marriage had a great effect on me and my mother was firm in her notion that she would never allow a divorce to happen because “divorce isn’t allowed in the Bible.” By 16 I became anti-Christian, because of this Bible that kept my mother in a bad marriage. As a Goth I spent my time getting drunk, playing video games, going to concerts, and swearing about anything to everyone. I reveled in my ability to push others away, to isolate myself so that no one could hurt me, I got a high off of scaring people, and I survived by numbing my pain and emptiness with numerous shots of Tequila and copious amounts of cheap beer.
Inside, however, I tired of the drinking, the darkness, the black makeup clutching my eyes… the scared looks from passerby’s. I dearly wanted to escape from my depressing group of friends who spoke of nothing but death, pain, hate, and escapism. I wanted to be appreciated, and I wanted to be happy, but I didn’t know how.
So then I found myself at school, Googling the word “Mormon”. I ended up at lds.org, and mormon.org, the official websites of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I had developed my own form of spirituality over the years to atone for the inadequacies and hypocrisy I had experienced with mainstream Christianity, and suddenly, I found them written down on this Church’s websites. They spoke of “Eternal families” where you would never be parted from the ones you love, marriage was not “until death do you part” here. They spoke of Prophets and Apostles as in the days of the Old and New Testaments. They spoke of prayer, promising that God would hear me.
I read the Book of Mormon online without telling anyone. 5 months later I asked my friend to take me to church with him. I couldn’t believe that there was more than one man who prayed daily, read scriptures nightly, didn’t drink, didn’t swear, and wouldn’t touch me even if he could. I had always been taught that Christians were not supposed to have sex before marriage, but the Christians I knew, did… I thought that being Christian meant helping others and not judging, but none of the Christians I knew helped or cared at all. But the Mormons did these things. They abstained, they went to Church, they helped, and they cared.
In the summer, I found the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints near where I lived in Japan. Everyone was smiling, and shook my hand, and I was thrilled to see that there were plenty of Japanese Mormons too. In fact, there were Filipino’s, Chinese, Jamaican, Nigerian, and American Mormons here. The services operated the same way as they had at the Church in Glendale, and a girl about my age was giving one of the talks—about faith. Then a man who looked just like my father, a manager of a company, gave his testimony of Christ and of God and I felt something inside stir with hope, already thinking ahead to when I might be able to see my father do and say the same things. I found my Church. I wanted to be Mormon.
I took lessons with Japanese sister missionaries, and I started to change my life. I stopped drinking from the day I started reading the Book of Mormon—and not because the Church told me to. I stopped smoking, I tried to swear a little less every day… and I started to believe that I had the right to be respected by men—and not handled like an object. Eventually the missionaries asked if I wanted to get baptized, and I said yes… but I never got the chance. My mother was happy with my religious endeavors only because I finally accepted God again and relinquished my dark and dreary ways. However, she was furious when I got home and told her I was going to be baptized Mormon.
For the last month of that summer I was placed under house arrest. My phone was taken away, and I was not allowed out in case I met the missionaries against her will. However, suddenly the God I read about on mormon.org materialized. My father, with whom I share few words, inquired about my friends “Sister so and so”. Since he knew nothing about my investigation into Mormonism I had no idea how he knew about my sister missionaries. It turned out that he saw some letters addressed to me from the sister missionaries that my mother had intercepted and hidden. God had not forgotten me; in fact, he listened to my prayers… just like the Mormons promised.
I survived on the letters of encouragement and love from my sister missionaries and the night before I left for my sophomore year of college I told my mother that I would be getting baptized in America whether she liked it or not. She admitted she couldn’t physically stop me, but swore she could never love a Mormon—I would be no daughter of hers if I disobeyed. Nevertheless, I got baptized on October 15th, 2005. This was a year after I first met a “Mormon.” Now I am Mormon, and I am so happy.
I am happy because now I am living the standards and principles I always held inside—I am not hiding them. I choose not to drink alcohol, not to smoke, not to swear, not to watch R-rated movies, and not to have sex until marriage. By doing these things I am actively modeling a lifestyle I always admired in others. By not drinking alcohol, I am fighting against my father’s alcoholism. By not using profane language, I acknowledge the power of words and the pain they can cause. By not watching R-rated movies I admit to how weak and impressionable my mind is, and among other things, I fight the objectification of women in the media. By exercising abstinence, I place the highest value and importance on marriage.
Now that I am Mormon, I am no longer the only one that chooses to live this lifestyle—and for that I am so grateful.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)